The cycle began with Paul. I met him a long time ago, but I haven't forgotten him. Every stranger that crossed my path carried some resemblance, some trait of him, but I never recognized it until they were standing at my side. The wool was pulled over my eyes, and I believed that the arms that kept me still were of one, who would truly love me. But it was the same man as before, the same man with the same cruel intentions.
If only my light shined brighter, I would not have fallen for six variations of Paul. The broken pieces of my life would not have cut me so deep. The hole in my heart would not have grown so wide. The fortress that I now reside in would not have been built so tall, keeping me locked behind my own walls. But only in my dream did the light shine, and then it was too late. I already let them in, and they tore my world apart.
For nearly four years, I've wandered the corridors of my life. Walls were painted with visions and dreams, begging for the world to see them. The bleeding pen was my voice to tell my stories, spilling them out across the pages before me. The whispers of the night kept me comfort, and nothing stirred inside my heart. I was alone, but I knew he was out there. The same man would find me yet again, and then what would remain after he disappeared?
Again, I awoke to find myself in that darkest room. The light bulb continued its sway along its chain. Yet, no shadow was found crouched on the floor. The room was empty, and I was alone.
Suddenly, the door swung open. I was blinded by a white light. A soft touch surprised me before my face was taken into his hands, and our lips met. My breath was stolen away, and my heart beat a thousand times. Nothing matter, and I didn't care if it was the same man as before. But he wasn't.
The stranger before me was a vision of love. His eyes were pools of sadness and compassion. His touch was soft, safe, and his lips were welcoming. But this stranger was nothing more than a man of my dreams, and like all dreams, he too would disappear the moment that I awoke. So why did I dream of him?
This fortress has kept me safe, hidden, but it's the world that I now desire. The love that had awoken my heart now makes it cry to find that love again. His haunting touch still lingered on my skin, making me want to fall into the arms of one, who would truly love me. His face was not the mask of the same man that has found me before, but if I look for him, would the wool fall back down over my eyes? Would I let the same man back into my life as the ones before him? Would the promise of love be nothing but a dream? Do I remain behind my walls, staying in that darkest room?
The door was still open, but he no longer stood in the doorway. The light bulb refused to sway on its chain. No shadow met my gaze. The door was open, and he was waiting for me to find him. And as I slowly took steps toward the light waiting beyond this darkest room, I could only hope that maybe, this time, I wouldn't fall for the same man ever again.